My Conversation With Me...

Been a busy weekend for me. Between friends coming up from cali and a civil war weekend I can barely keep from sinking back into a dark corner and getting some 'me' time in. The social batteries need a serious recharge after the last couple of days. Probably would have been even more drained if I'd put forth the effort to get downtown for the last day of our local Anime convention. I did that last year but chose not to do it again because, like last time, I would have only caught the tail end of it. That and I have no money to spare for the admission or the loads of stuff i'd want to buy. Ah the life of a jobless college kid.

I really need to find something to take pride in. I've got a list. I already write, re-enact, and...um. Well I guess I take pride in my girlfriend too but I don't work on her the same way I work on the others. I need something to build or put energy in to. I've thought about taking up plastic modeling again but it needs to be something larger. A job would fill that nitch quite well but I haven't put nearly enough energy into getting one. I've tried kinda half heartedly. I'm almost scared of getting one I think. A job would mean responsiblity and things like that. I want one but don't...argh...I don't know what i'm saying any more. I'm kinda writing this off the hip. No forethought here. I'd rather put my energy into school but I can't do that because right now i'm limited to only a few credits because I personally have to pay for the classes. So I guess it does come down to a job. The problem now is getting one and holding onto it for a good while.

I can't tell if writing this is helping or not. These thoughts have come up again because my parents have promised more reprisals for me not having a job by now. I'm not looking forward to it. I know that if I leave my room tonight they'll pounce. I can hear them talking now and I think its about me. I could just be paranoid but I don't think so. They're worried about me I know but the way they present it, especially the way dad does it, makes me hate them for it.

sigh...my cat just showed up. I think i'll go invest some time and energy in him.