A.D.D.? Hell Yeah...!

Well its been suspected for a long time now on my parents part. Mom especially since she's had to read up alot on it because of my brother. But now its finally been confirmed. I have a mild form of ADD, or attention deficite disorder. Basically it means I tend to be unfocused on tasks I dislike and tend to procrastinate and put stuff off, which is what i've been doing now for who knows how long. My mom became suspicious when she had my bro tested for it. From what she read it sounded like it fit me more then it did my brother. So she got me tested back in 8th or 9th grade and it was decided that I came close but merely had a hard time concentrating. But now, because of my lack of job-ness, my parents sent me off to talk to the same guy again, a shrink I guess, and the topic came around to ADD again. So we tested out again and it came up about the same. But when I started talkin about my problems with him he began to say it was sounding more and more like I actually DID have it. So we're taking steps to work with it. I'm getting a planner, setting unbreakable rules, getting a coach to help me with keeping on track, and so on. I don't want to use this as an excuse. I want my to strangle my problems to death and then burry them six feet under. I'm gonna need alot of help too. For those of you who read my fanfiction it'll mean I probably won't be updating as much, not that I update regularly anyway. For my friends it means i'm gonna be calling on you to push me along and deneying me things if needs be such as game time, get togethers, etc. But only if I can't prove that i've been following my schedual and doing what needs to be done.

So there it is people. One of the big reasons behind why I am like I am. If you've ever wondered why I seem to rush through things I dislike, say shopping (winks at Daphne), well now you know. I'll try better. I just need your help keeping me on track and on focus otherwise i'll . . . hey look, a beach!

OMG! Commando Squirrels Are Raiding My Strategic Cracker Reserves...

Hehehe . . . don't mind me people.

Go about your buisness.

Nothin to see here . . .

No you didn't see a squirrel with

a Squad Automatic Weapon just now.

No he's not taking all the food from the fridge.

*whisper* He doesn't like it when I talk about him.

err . . . I mean . . .

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*bullets ripping into flesh noise*

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hurk . . . bleh . . .

Out of Left Field...

What do you do when your world takes a blow below the belt?

What do you say when someone says the unthinkable?

What do you think when thoughts unthought before pummel your mind?

Do you take the hit and keep walking?

Do you respond in kind?

Do you let logic take control?

Or do you fall to the ground?

Remain speachless?

Let chaos reign among your thoughts?

+

It can be difficult some times to roll with the punches life throws at you.

They can come out of left field.

Throw you for a loop.

Hit you in a blind spot.

Or you can see them coming a mile away and simply be unable to dodge them.

It takes strength of will,

Toughness of character,

Faith in your friends, relatives, and religion,

To pull you through some of them.

But sometimes that doesn't cut it.

Sometimes you fall and don't get up.

Your will broken,

toughness out toughed,

and faith a shattered memory.

The breaking point that all are capable of.

I have yet to see anyone reach that point.

I pray I never do.

I have yet to reach that point myself.

And I pray I never do.

Recollections...

I just had a major desire to revisit my England trip pictures. It came out of no where. I dropped my game and just went back and looked at them, trying to visualize where I was for each and connect with those places again. Traveling alone for the first time, in Europe no less, really was a blast. Master of my own destiny and all. But now, with several months between me and the trip, i'm beginning to see how much of a fool I was. I'm smacking myself now because of all the stupid mistakes I made and all the chances I missed out on to further my experience. Don't get me wrong, I did a hell of a lot of stuff over there and got into the best shape of my life because of it, but there was so much I missed because I didn't think I had the time or the money. The time thing was mostly true except for an occasional day of laziness, but the money thing kept me from doing many things I wanted to do...most of which was in London. But now I know better. I'll be ready for my next solo sojourn when it happens.

Thought i'd share a picture before I got back to what I was doing. This is a self portrait of me looking out over Portsmouth Harbor and Spithead in the early morning. I went everywhere with that beret and camo jacket. I got lots of stares in some places and almost none in others. Portsmouth was my first stop on my south/southwest coast sweeping tour while Daphne finished her finals. One of the better sections of my trip in fact.

Brain Meltdown in Progress...

Sitting in a college common room for almost 6 hours strait reading about ancient history with no one around and only 2 quarters to play an arcade game with melts brain matter like nothing else. Its a unique experience filling your brain with ancient facts and feeling the stuff that went in just before floating out through your ears. I ended up looking, and probably feeling, just like those zombies I so despise on the bus home. You know em, those people who just don't look right with those vacant stares that keep connecting with your eyes whenever you chance a look up from whatever reading material you brought with you. The ones with the drool dribbling out the side of their mouths and the smell of rot and booze gushing out of their bodies. Yeah, those people. Considering I didn't find any drool pools anywhere on my cloths today I must not have gotten that bad. But it still feels like it.

Current Song: Days Go By, Dirty Vegas

Babysitting...And Stupid Parents...

Ok, its not really babysitting, but it feels like it. My brother has a couple of his little friends over for an anime day which means they need access to my collection. I happen to be very protective of my collection and i'm especially touchy about letting my brother get at it. He tends to steal and or lend out my stuff if he gets ahold of it which i've strickly forbidden him to do because of previous losses and damages he's caused. There are other reasons as well but we won't get into family politics here. So basically i've been forced to compromise. I get to sit around at home with them making sure they don't do anything stupid with my stuff and generally keeping them out of trouble for the parent people. Not that I have anything else to do today. I would happily stay around if I had the new Potter book to dive into but I don't. I could go get it today but if I wait my parents will get it for me and I won't pay a cent. (>^.^)> <(^.^<)

Studying is on the list today. So's job searching. Sigh...... I don't want to do either though. Maybe babysitting isn't so bad then. ; P

Edit: Gotta throw this in otherwise i'm gonna stew on it and stay mad for a long time. When I went over to England my parents raided my room. They cleaned, which was nice. They sorted, which wasn't completely needed but isn't bad. And they stole, which is why i'm so pissed right now.

I consider myself somewhat of a game geek. I've played the video games, traded the card games, and role played the RPGs. My parents haven't always liked what i've done but i've never seen it as totally bad. Its a fun past time and, unlike the people who have no life, I try to keep the damage these games cause to my normal life to a minimum. I've never gone whole hog on a game to the extent where I do nothing else but that game. (My former roomy is a case in point of someone who DID go whole hog) I just can't stand playing anything for too great a length of time.

Anyway...When I came home from my trip I found my room re-arranged and missing several things, namely my three dnd books, which I had thought safely stashed away. I didn't say anything to my parents about it, instead seeking the perfect time to pop the question, which I did about a week ago. I got very little response from them at the time. It boiled down to "I don't know what we did with them". Well tonight I brought the subject back up and it got alot more heated. Now I paid for these with my own money, hardly touched them when I wasn't using them in a game(which were extremely rare), and never let my parents even know I had them. They were doing no harm to anyone. Now let me ask you. Do you think it's ok for my parents to take them and then, when questioned and pushed, deny knowledge of their whereabouts and refuse to give them back or refund them?!? I sure the hell don't think its ok! I want my stinkin books back or at least some cash for compensation. In total I've paid $100 for all of them(they didn't get one) and i'd really like to at least be able to gain back some of that.

To quote a favorite webcomic..."Crap, Piss, Kill!" Thats about what i'm feelin like at this moment.

Another Long Weekend...

I just can't seem to get enough of these long weekend things. I spent the entire 4th of July weekend at a Civil War Re-enactment in 90 degree weather. Wearing wool and carrying a rifle increased said temperature by at least 10 degrees, minimum. But it was all worth it. I got to spend time doing something I enjoy with people I only get to see maybe four times a year. It was a blast but i'm payin for it now. My face is burnt and I acquired several spider bites. I also got a nasty blister or two. But thats the price you pay in this hobby so I don't really mind.

I started an Independent Study class today on Ancient History. I got the introductory lecture from the teacher and, most likely, won't see her again during the entire class due to the way I.S. classes are done. I haven't had much success with internet classes of this sort but this time its all book and i've already set up weekly work times that I plan on keeping. If I can't do this then I doubt my parents will ever help pay for school again. So it all rest on my output in this class. *Cross your fingers*

Current Song: Sarutobi, Naruto Volume 3

All Funned Out...

Wow, long weekend. I know birthday celebrations, especially 21st birthday celebrations, are supposed to be fun and all...but three days of fun is a bit much I think. And considering my endurance for such high intensity social interactions is limited because of my temperment I found it to be a great relief to finally call it quits last night. Don't get me wrong. I loved the time I got to spend with friends and all...but people like me have a more limited battery life for things of that nature. I woke up today and went to see friends off to the airport but after that was done I promptly went home and buried my nose in a new book until I was driven out of my chair by a combination of hunger and multiple phone calls. I should be out looking for a job today but I just can't seem to leave the house again for some reason. I think it's because my 'low battery' light is still on.

Note: This is not my birthday we're talking about here. Only Daphne could pull off planning three days of fun and get away with it.

Home Never Felt So...Homey...

Yeah i'm back. Its been a long three weeks but i'm back. And let it be known, England is cool and all...but i'm glad to be home. Oh have no doubt I could survive there just as well as I could here but America most certainly has some advantages over England. We drive normally, none of that "left side of the road" stuff for me. Too weird. I look one way but nearly get run over by a car from the other direction. Its just not natural. Everything's cheaper here. I'm tired of spending the equivilent of a buck fifty for a 99 cent cheeseburger at Mc'ds. You can just imagine how things progress from there. America has rootbeer... no more needs to be said on that topic. Roads are bigger here and lack round-a-bouts. The few times I travelled by car I was very uncomfortable about the closeness of passing cars and the insane speed at which drivers took round-a-bouts. Granted they do keep traffic moving but that's beside the point. There are more but i'll stop with just those.

But England does have some things going for it. Over 2000 years of "interesting" history to explore. Pubs and a lower drinking age, not that it mattered for me since I didn't drink anything. Better public transport...I love trains now by the way, and yet I spent a huge amount of time walking. *scratches head in confusion* I don't know how that worked exactly. Differences in culture and traditions. And best of all...Cornish Pasties!!! *drool*

Eh hem. Anyway. I'm glad to be home and i'm glad to have my girl back. Now comes the task of re-inserting her into life here and, on a similar note, getting my life back up and running again.

Now i'm off to indulge in some good old home cooking and a bit of anime before I have to go out into the world once more.

Fare Well to Home...

This will be the last entry i'll make before I leave for europe on tuesday morning. This last week has been incredibly stressful. I've been hopping from small job to small job, wrapping up travel arangements, hating my paper, and generally stressing out about various things. You've heard it all already. I've had to put aside favorite activies and friends to make this work and i'll be glad when I get back and am able to start it all back up again. I don't regret it. This is gonna be an awesome trip that'll live on in my memories as my first true world experience, not counting mexico or canada mind you. But i'm still not liking putting aside my lazy lifestyle to plan and execute a huge undertaking like this. Its always the prep that kills me, never the trip itself. Oh well...good bye for now. See you on the other side...

Current song = Goo Goo Dolls - Long Way Down (remix)

Blast From the Past...

Woot! I are back from da firstest re-enactment of der year. Loren ist tired, lots. But really, it was a decent start to the re-enacting season. "Mud"giver was as wet as it normally was, starting off with lightning and thunder storms on friday evening and working its way down to incredibly light drizzle just before we packed up today. I didn't fire a gun once this weekend, spending more time with my friends and involving myself in camplife. And while it was really not the best way to start out the season it was nice in its own, body and equipment soaking, way. The dancing, as always, was fun and sitting up around the company fire till 2am and being the oldest on there for the better part of the time has a certain charm that just can't be matched.

I look forward to the next far more though. My Daphne will be home to enjoy it with me, it being her first event in like 2 years! And i'll be doing it without my brother or dad out with me. They'll be speeding about Gettysburg at about the same time. If it wasn't for the fact that my brother was going i'd be really envious. Anyway, glad to be home and clean and dry once again.

Under Preasure...

When I thought that I needed to update my blog the title just popped into my head. It seems fitting though, I am under lots of preasure. And yes, to whoever knows what I get to listen to occasionally while in Washu's car you can make the connection to the title and snicker all you want.

Anyway, its crunch time again. I have less then two weeks before I hop a plane to England. In that time I have to finish two yard projects at different houses, possibly wash a monster motor home, finish or get really close to finishing my paper, and get everything squared away so I don't end up floundering when I get overseas. Its tough, I've only now forbidden myself from playing my games in my off time and the next thing to go will be fanfiction, though i'm finding that really difficult since I found a cool new story last night...I have it open in the other window right now ^^;. Oh yeah and on top of that my parents don't talk to me anymore, talking has been replaced by grumbling, complaining, and berating me in some way or another to get me to pick up the pace a bit. Aren't parents wonderful, especially when they feel the need to state the obvious every time they open their mouths at me.

Cheers...

Sealed Deal...

Its offical, I am going to europe. I bought the tickets meer hours ago. I chose the three week option and even managed to get the same flight back as my girlfriend and got a seat next to her for two of the three legs of the trip. (This is the point where you get up and dance a happy jig Daphne ;P) My combination of yard work, large vehicle washing, and pet sitting is earning me enough cash to get me there. Now all I have to do is continue to gain money and make sure I finish my paper before I leave or the day after I return. I'm aiming for the former. Happy day! Now excuse me while I go work the kinks from my body that 4 hours of hiking on saturday and 6 hours of yard work today have given me.

Green Thumb...

Well I have a job now... kinda. If you consider yard work a real job. It does pay but its for a friend of my mom so its kind of a bum job. The only thing is this families yard is massive and needs serious work so i'll be sticking around and cleaning it up at least through next week. I pulled a whole bunch of weeds today, enough to fill a wheelbarrow, and moved a butt load of rocks from one place to another...and thats barely scratching the surface of what needs to be done. I have at least two more days of weeding to do along with reshaping part of the yard, raking out moss, dishing out wood chips, trimming bushes, and planting new plants. I'm sure I probably missed something in that list, oh well.

But as one problem is solved another always rears its ugly head. The paper i've been working on is beginning to get the best of me. The 11+ page monster is digging in its heals and refusing to let me finish it. Not to mention the books i've checked out to help me are now at least a week overdue. The things I go through for education. *shakes head* I've got a little less then a month left to finish it in so i'm crossing my fingers and hoping that inspiration strikes hard. Plus i've got to start keeping myself away from my games and similar addictions just to make sure I get all I need to get done before my trip to England, which is still on by the way. Whether its two weeks or three I don't know yet but i'm hoping against hope its gonna be three.

Current Music: Raistlin & the Rose, by: Lake of Fire

Unproductive Break...

Break has been . . . uneventful. Or at least not filled with the sorts of things I had hoped to fill it with. I spent a good portion of the week job hunting. If I been hunting for food I would be dead by now. My latest swath of job applications has turned up nothing. The best tidbit having been Goodwill but so far I haven't heard a peep out of them when they promised to give me a call. And before you ask, yes i've called them back and no they haven't been able to give me any sign of a job. It's looking dismal at the moment but I really need one so i'm going to continue on.

Then there was the paper I am working on . . .

The pet sitting . . .

The brother sitting . . .

I remember spring break as being this wonderful adventure. A blessed breather from the duldrums of school that provided me with a whole week of adventures in the back woods and at the beach with my friends in hawaii. But about mid way through highschool it lost its wonder and just became an ok thing that sorta messed up my rythm. Now that i'm in college it has lost almost all of its charm. None of my friends are close enough to get to easily or they're out of state or country and I have no money to spend which cuts way back on interesting activities. The lack of motorized wheels and the presence of the first real rain this season has also severed my mobility. So i've pretty much sat in front of my computer this week and tried to keep myself occupied. It didn't work.

Now i'm kinda looking forward to starting my one class and finding a job. I'm wanting my brother back in school(which won't happen for another week, curse him) and wanting a bit of cash.

Hurry back to England and your computer and phone Daphne, I'm missing our our talks!

Reporting From the Front Lines...

"This is Valakun reporting to you live from HQ at the front lines. At 11:25 today our groundforces delivered the final attack on the dreaded 'Finals' forces. After a vicious hour long fight with the elite 'History' division the conflict was finally over."

"The war began last week wednesday when, in a surprise attack, the special 'Tae Kwon Do' regiment overran our troops positions in and around the gym. After rallying, our forces were able to drive the enemy back and secure victory. Our top generals spent the next few days mapping out their avenues of attack on the remaining enemy forces. After intense study and several 'Halo' exercises our troops were ready. With the aid of our allies, the infamous 'Washu Brigade', our troops were able to bulldoze through the most stubborn opposition, the 'Math SS'. The next evening another attack was launched, this time on the previously impregnible fortress of 'Geology'. After taking the fortress our troops regrouped and prepared for the final assault. In a blaze of gunfire and exploding history facts they stormed the last bastion. The enemy survivors were last seen running for the hills where they will likely continue resitance into next week. This is Valakun coming to you live from army HQ for channel two news."

Yeah thats right, finals are over and man am I ever glad. Now i've gotta go fight another war, and this time i'm not sure if i'll win. After all, battling for a job is alot harder then takin a test.

The Big Finish!...

Believe me when I say that this quarter is going to end with a bang. Trying to pack in as many projects and study periods as possible into my already busy week is not fun at all. Add to that various problems with friends, relatives, job searching, and future plans and you've got a bomb ready to blow. As always i've managed to put things off longer then they should have been put off and now i'm racing to finish them in time. Its a problem i've had for as long as I can remember, and while i've gotten better at dealing with it, last year helped alot, its still a problem I face every quarter. Of course this tends to get people angry with me for being lazy or junk like that but they just have to live with it. Its part of who I am and I don't think it'll ever fully go away.

As far as interesting things go I'm rather sort this month. The only interesting thing so far has been a martial arts tourny that I volunteered to help with this last saturday. While I could have competed I chose not to for fear of not knowing enough, but after the fact I wished I had. After seeing what some of the people did I knew I could have done better. I'll have to do it next year I guess. Oh well. Gotta go practice a bit more and do some homework before I head off to math.

Cooling Off...

Ok so things wrapped up nicely after my last post. I got my passport stuff taken care of in about 5 minutes and i'll have it in plenty of time. The valentines has been sent off again, this time free of charge because I brought in the shredded proof. Nice to see they will do something about it. This week has just been really weird. I can't pinpoint any one thing in particular but its things like today's government disaster scene that have sort of framed the week. I don't want to think about anything but this weekend at the moment. The next few weeks are gonna be hell and I really am tired of it all. So i'm gonna go cool off and ignore everything but the present. Sigh...

Isn't Government Great!?...

In the last few days I have had chance to discover just how badly the budget cuts and increases of spending in Iraq have hurt government run agencies in my area. For starters... Yesterday I went in to apply for a passport at city hall. I walked in and waited in line for five minutes before being able to talk to someone. She promptly told me that they no longer offered passport photos at this location and told me to go to walgreens about a mile away. She also told me that my fee's had to be paid by either a check or money order. Guess what I had...cash. So I went and got the pictures and am in the process of readying myself to return to city hall to try again. But feelings of discord reached a new high when I went out to get the mail not ten minutes ago. I discovered the valentines day card that I had sent to my girlfriend in England at the top of the stack of letters. The back had been torn open and then sealed with tape. Now I know government officals don't get paid much but are they really desperate enough to look through valentines cards for cash? Not that mine had any in it but still... And then there's the fact that i've been waiting multiple months now for a letter I was supposed to get from my friends down in Cali that contained collectable cards that i'd traded for. I sent my half off in time and they received it but theirs never reached me. They said they sent it but it ain't here. Grr...

Happy Valentines...

Kiss em if you got em boy and girls! Its Valentines day and if you're lucky enough to have a special someone in your life then give them a good kiss and thank the heavens for them. That's what i'm doing right now, minus the kiss of course since my Valentine is a continent and an ocean away. Forget the chocolates and flowers guys. Saying "I love you" should be all you need. But don't think you can get away with nothing all the time...
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@-->----
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So here's a rose for my Daphne. Sorry you can't dry this one out and hang it in your room dear.