The Sadness of Dreams

The following is something I wrote this morning after waking up from a very vivid and mildly disturbing dream. I've done this several times before when a particularly interesting or moving dream occurs and stays with me once I wake up. Its not quite a dream journal since there are so few entries but its similar. This is also the first time i've shared one of these types of dreams.

Dream Report
Night of March 7/8, 2009

This was the last in a string of death related dreams this night and the only one I can remember fully.

As usual it was full of dualities. I felt like I was a Uboat captain and death at the same time. I also found my target, an aging cross channel ferry packed full of what looked like non-combatants, on both sea and land(as if it was nothing more then a large party house). (Imagine a paddle-wheeler from the mississippi that was both a boat and a large house.)

It was night. I stalked the ship. I remember stalking it from afar as a Uboat but once I got near I switched to stalking through the garden that surrounded and lead up to the house/boat. Suddenly I felt I’d been discovered in the garden. I turned to find a cat looking at me from a bush. I pulled out a pistol, which was also my finger, and tried to shoot the cat. I missed but scared it away.

I waited till the people on board were asleep in their hammocks and beds before surfacing. I pulled out a water pistol(of all things) and tried to sink the boat by spraying the sides. I think I imagined it to be acid or watery laser fire. In any case it did nothing so I submerged and shot three torpedoes at the ship from close range. They struck the forward portion of the ship. Everything but a large section of the aft end was blown to pieces. The remaining section was full of people who were suddenly awake. They scurried around for a moment or two before the section dipped beneath the waves and took them with it.

With nothing but pieces of flotsam left on the calm sea I transferred back to the garden scene to find the house in shambles; burnt, partly destroyed, and abandoned. The cat reappeared and I chased it down to kill it. I don’t know why I did this now that the ship was gone. Perhaps I didn’t want to leave any survivors that could tell of the kill.

I cornered the cat and shot it dead with my finger gun. Its very solid spirit stuck around after I “killed” the cat. I asked the cat its name and she answered that the people on the ship had had a name for her but she couldn’t quite remember it. We worked on it for a few minutes. After some guessing we figured out that she’d been called “Gotcha” since that’s what the people on board had said when they’d managed to catch her.

I asked Gotcha if she wanted to come with me. She declined saying that her friends(here she looked at the ruins of the ship/house) might come back. That she might be needed. I got the very distinct impression that she thought of herself as a medic or doctor for the humans. She would aid them and care for them by being cute and cuddly...the stress relief and happiness giver. She said something about repeat customers and them coming back. I felt touched by this and asked her if she wanted to go with them. She seemed to smile and said, “Yes that may be for the best.” So I sent her off to be with the souls I’d killed. I don’t know if it was heaven or simply a holding place. I then slipped off into the night and promptly woke up.

I woke distinctly saddened and unhappy with my actions in the dream and felt a need, almost, to repent for what I’d done. Our cat was curled up against my legs under the covers. I felt I needed to apologize and be nice to her so that’s what I’ve been doing since I got up.

Side note: I hate Blogger's formatting. I really sucks.